Againstourfellow—menwecanprotectourselves，butiftheladiesaregoingtoattackus——reallyitisn’tfair。\"
MissMontgomerypleaded。
\"I’llthinkitover，\"wasallthatMr。Jowettcouldbemadetopromise。\"Lookmeupagain。\"
\"When？\"askedMissMontgomery。
\"What’sto—day？——Thursday。SayMonday。\"Mr。Jowettrangthebell。
\"Takemyadvice，\"saidtheoldgentleman，layingafatherlyhandonJohnny’sshoulder，\"leavebusinesstousmen。Youareahandsomegirl。Youcandobetterforyourselfthanthis。\"
Aclerkentered，Johnnyrose。
\"OnMondaynext，then，\"Johnnyremindedhim。
\"Atfouro’clock，\"agreedMr。Jowett。\"Goodafternoon。\"
Johnnywentoutfeelingdisappointed，andyet，ashetoldhimself，hehadn’tdonesobadly。Anyhow，therewasnothingforitbuttowaittillMonday。Nowhewouldgohome，changehisclothes，andgetsomedinner。Hehailedahansom。
\"Numbertwenty—eight——no。StopattheQueen’sStreetcornerofLincoln’sInnFields，\"Johnnydirectedtheman。
\"Quiteright，miss，\"commentedthecabmanpleasantly。\"Corner’sbest——savesalltalk。\"
\"Whatdoyoumean？\"demandedJohnny。
\"Nooffence，miss，\"answeredtheman。\"Wewasallyoungonce。\"
Johnnyclimbedin。AtthecornerofQueenStreetandLincoln’sInnFields，Johnnygotout。Johnny，whohadbeenponderingothermatters，puthishandinstinctivelytowhere，speakinggenerally，hispocketshouldhavebeen;thenrecollectedhimself。
\"Letmesee，didIthinktobringanymoneyoutwithme，ordidI
not？\"musedJohnny，ashestooduponthekerb。
\"Lookintheridicule，miss，\"suggestedthecabman。
Johnnylooked。Itwasempty。
\"PerhapsIputitinmypocket，\"thoughtJohnny。
Thecabmanhitchedhisreinstothewhip—socketandleantback。
\"It’ssomewhereabouthere，Iknow，Isawit，\"Johnnytoldhimself。
\"Sorrytokeepyouwaiting，\"Johnnyaddedaloudtothecabman。
\"Don’tyouworryaboutthat，miss，\"repliedthecabmancivilly;\"weareusedtoit。Ashillingaquarterofanhouriswhatwecharge。\"
\"Ofallthedamnedsillytricks！\"mutteredJohnnytohimself。
Twosmallboysandagirlcarryingababypaused，interested。
\"Goaway，\"toldthemthecabman。\"You’llhavetroublesofyourownoneday。\"
Theurchinsmovedafewstepsfurther，thenhaltedagainandwerejoinedbyaslatternlywomanandanotherboy。
\"Gotit！\"criedJohnny，unabletosuppresshisdelightashishandslippedthroughafold。Theladywiththebaby，withoutpreciselyknowingwhy，setupashrillcheer。Johnny’sdelightdiedaway;itwasn’tthepocket—hole。Shortoftakingtheskirtoffandturningitinsideout，itdidn’tseemtoJohnnythatheeverwouldfindthatpocket。
Theninthatmomentofdespairhecameacrossitaccidentally。Itwasasemptyasthereticule！
\"Iamsorry，\"saidJohnnytothecabman，\"butIappeartohavecomeoutwithoutmypurse。\"
Thecabmansaidhehadheardthattalebefore，andwasmakingpreparationstodescend。Thecrowd，nownumberingeleven，lookedhopeful。ItoccurredtoJohnnylaterthathemighthaveofferedhisumbrellatothecabman;atleastitwouldhavefetchedtheeighteenpence。Onethinksofthesethingsafterwards。Theonlyideathatoccurredtohimatthemomentwasthatofgettinghome。
\"’Ere，’oldmy’orseaminute，oneofyer，\"shoutedthecabman。
Halfadozenwillinghandsseizedthedozingsteedandrouseditintomadness。
\"Hi！stop’er！\"roaredthecabman。
\"She’sdown！\"shoutedtheexcitedcrowd。
\"Trippedover’erskirt，\"explainedtheslatternlywoman。\"Theydo’amperyou。\"
\"No，she’snot。She’supagain！\"vociferatedadelightedplumber，withasoundingslaponhisownleg。\"Gorblimy，ifsheain’tagood’un！\"
FortunatelytheSquarewastolerablyclearandJohnnyagoodrunner。Holdingnowhisskirtandpetticoathighinhislefthand，JohnnymovedacrosstheSquareattherateoffifteenmilesanhour。Abutcher’sboyspranginfrontofhimwitharmsheldouttostophim。Thethingthatforthenextthreemonthsannoyedthatbutcherboymostwashearingshoutedoutafterhim\"Yah！whowasknockeddownandrunoverbyalidy？\"BythetimeJohnnyreachedtheStrand，viaClement’sInn，thehueandcrywasfarbehind。
Johnnydroppedhisskirtsandassumedamoregirlishpace。ThroughBowStreetandLongAcrehereachedGreatQueenStreetinsafety。
Uponhisowndoorstephebegantolaugh。Hisafternoon’sexperiencehadbeenamusing;still，onthewhole，hewasn’tsorryitwasover。Onecanhavetoomuchevenofthebestofjokes。
Johnnyrangthebell。
Thedooropened。Johnnywouldhavewalkedinhadnotabig，raw—
bonedwomanbarredhisprogress。
\"Whatdoyouwant？\"demandedtheraw—bonedwoman。
\"Wanttocomein，\"explainedJohnny。
\"Whatdoyouwanttocomeinfor？\"
ThisappearedtoJohnnyafoolishquestion。Onreflectionhesawthesenseofit。Thisraw—bonedwomanwasnotMrs。Pegg，hislandlady。Somefriendofhers，hesupposed。
\"It’sallright，\"saidJohnny，\"Ilivehere。Leftmylatchkeyathome，that’sall。\"
\"There’snofemaleslodginghere，\"declaredtheraw—bonedlady。
\"Andwhat’smore，there’sgoingtobenone。\"
Allthiswasveryvexing。Johnny，inhisjoyatreachinghisowndoorstep，hadnotforeseenthesecomplications。Nowitwouldbenecessarytoexplainthings。Heonlyhopedthestorywouldnotgetroundtothefellowsattheclub。
\"AskMrs。Peggtostepupforaminute，\"requestedJohnny。
\"Notat’ome，\"explainedtheraw—bonedlady。
\"Not——notathome？\"
\"GonetoRomford，ifyouwishtoknow，toseehermother。\"
\"GonetoRomford？\"
\"IsaidRomford，didn’tI？\"retortedtheraw—bonedlady，tartly。
\"What——whattimedoyouexpectherin？\"
\"Sundayevening，sixo’clock，\"repliedtheraw—bonedlady。
Johnnylookedattheraw—bonedlady，imaginedhimselftellingtheraw—bonedladythesimple，unvarnishedtruth，andtheraw—bonedlady’sutterdisbeliefofeverywordofit。Aninspirationcametohisaid。
\"IamMr。Bulstrode’ssister，\"saidJohnnymeekly;\"he’sexpectingme。\"
\"Thoughtyousaidyoulivedhere？\"remindedhimtheraw—bonedlady。
\"Imeantthathelivedhere，\"repliedpoorJohnnystillmoremeekly。\"Hehasthesecondfloor，youknow。\"
\"Iknow，\"repliedtheraw—bonedlady。\"Notinjustatpresent。\"
\"Notin？\"
\"Wentoutatthreeo’clock。\"
\"I’llgouptohisroomandwaitforhim，\"saidJohnny。
\"No，youwon’t，\"saidtheraw—bonedlady。
ForaninstantitoccurredtoJohnnytomakeadashforit，buttheraw—bonedladylookedbothformidableanddetermined。Therewouldbeabigdisturbance——perhapsthepolicecalledin。Johnnyhadoftenwantedtoseehisnameinprint：inconnectionwiththisaffairhesomehowfelthedidn’t。
\"Doletmein，\"Johnnypleaded;\"Ihavenowhereelsetogo。\"
\"Youhaveawalkandcoolyourself，\"suggestedtheraw—bonedlady。
\"Don’texpecthewillbelong。\"
\"But，yousee——\"
Theraw—bonedladyslammedthedoor。
OutsidearestaurantinWellingtonStreet，fromwhichproceededsavouryodours，Johnnypausedandtriedtothink。
\"WhatthedevildidIdowiththatumbrella？Ihadit——no，I
didn’t。Musthavedroppedit，Isuppose，whenthatsillyasstriedtostopme。ByJove！Iamhavingluck！\"
OutsideanotherrestaurantintheStrandJohnnypausedagain。\"HowamItolivetillSundaynight？WhereamItosleep？IfI
telegraphhome——damnit！howcanItelegraph？Ihaven’tgotapenny。Thisisfunny，\"saidJohnny，unconsciouslyspeakingaloud;
\"uponmyword，thisisfunny！Oh！yougoto——。\"
Johnnyhurledthislastattheheadofanovergrownerrand—boywhoseintentionhadbeentooffersympathy。
\"Well，Inever！\"commentedapassingflower—girl。\"Calls’erselfalidy，Isuppose。\"
\"Nowadays，\"observedthestudandbuttonmerchantatthecornerofExeterStreet，\"theymake’emoutofanything。\"
Drawnbyanotionthatwasforminginhismind，JohnnyturnedhisstepsupBedfordStreet。\"Whynot？\"musedJohnny。\"Nobodyelseseemstohaveasuspicion。Whyshouldthey？I’llneverhearthelastofitiftheyfindmeout。Butwhyshouldtheyfindmeout？
Well，something’sgottobedone。\"
Johnnywalkedonquickly。AtthedooroftheAutolycusClubhewasundecidedforamoment，thentookhiscourageinbothhandsandplungedthroughtheswingdoors。
\"IsMr。Herring——Mr。JackHerring——here？\"
\"Findhiminthesmoking—room，Mr。Bulstrode，\"answeredoldGoslin，whowasreadingtheeveningpaper。
\"Oh，wouldyoumindaskinghimtostepoutamoment？\"
OldGoslinlookedup，tookoffhisspectacles，rubbedthem，putthemonagain。
\"PleasesayMissBulstrode——Mr。Bulstrode’ssister。\"
OldGoslinfoundJackHerringthecentreofanearnestargumentonHamlet——washereallymad？
\"Aladytoseeyou，Mr。Herring，\"announcedoldGoslin。
\"Awhat？\"
\"MissBulstrode——Mr。Bulstrode’ssister。She’swaitinginthehall。\"
\"Neverknewhehadasister，\"saidJackHerring，rising。
\"Waitaminute，\"saidHarryBennett。\"Shutthatdoor。Don’tgo。\"
ThistooldGoslin，whoclosedthedoorandreturned。\"Ladyinaheliotropedresswithalacecollar，threeflouncesontheskirt？\"
\"That’sright，Mr。Bennett，\"agreedoldGoslin。
\"It’stheBabehimself！\"assertedHarryBennett。
ThequestionofHamlet’smadnesswasforgotten。
\"WasinatStinchcombe’sthismorning，\"explainedHarryBennett;
\"sawtheclothesonthecounteraddressedtohim。That’stheidenticalfrock。Thisisjusta’tryon’——thinkshe’sgoingtohavealarkwithus。\"
TheAutolycusClublookedroundatitself。
\"Icanseeverrapromisingpossibilitiesinthis，providedthethingisproperlymanaged，\"saidtheWeeLaddie，afterapause。
\"SocanI，\"agreedJackHerring。\"Keepwhereyouare，allofyou。
’Twouldbeapitytofoolit，\"
TheAutolycusClubwaited。JackHerringre—enteredtheroom。
\"OneofthesaddeststoriesIhaveeverheardinallmylife，\"
explainedJackHerringinawhisper。\"PoorgirlleftDerbyshirethismorningtocomeandseeherbrother;foundhimout——hasn’tbeenseenathislodgingssincethreeo’clock;fearssomethingmayhavehappenedtohim。LandladygonetoRomfordtoseehermother;
strangewomanincharge，won’tletherintowaitforhim。\"
\"Howsaditiswhentroubleovertakestheinnocentandhelpless！\"
murmuredSomervilletheBriefless。
\"That’snottheworstofit，\"continuedJack。\"Thedeargirlhasbeenrobbedofeverythingshepossesses，evenofherumbrella，andhasn’tgotasou;hasn’thadanydinner，anddoesn’tknowwheretosleep。\"
\"Soundsabitelaborate，\"thoughtPorson。
\"IthinkIcanunderstandit，\"saidtheBrieflessone。\"Whathashappenedisthis。He’sdressedupthinkingtohaveabitoffunwithus，andhascomeout，forgettingtoputanymoneyorhislatchkeyinhispocket。HislandladymayhavegonetoRomfordormaynot。Inanycase，hewouldhavetoknockatthedoorandenterintoexplanations。Whatdoeshesuggest——theloanofasovereign？\"
\"Theloanoftwo，\"repliedJackHerring。
\"Tobuyhimselfasuitofclothes。Don’tyoudoit，Jack。
Providencehasimposedthisuponus。Ourdutyistoshowhimthefollyofindulginginsenselessescapades。\"
\"Ithinkwemightgivehimadinner，\"thoughtthestoutandsympatheticPorson。
\"WhatIproposetodo，\"grinnedJack，\"istotakehimroundtoMrs。
Postwhistle’s。She’sunderasortofobligationtome。ItwasI
whogotherthepostoffice。We’llleavehimthereforanight，withinstructionstoMrs。P。tokeepamotherlyeyeonhim。To—
morrowheshallhavehis’bitoffun，’andIguesshe’llbethefirsttogettiredofthejoke。\"
Itlookedapromisingplot。SevenmembersoftheAutolycusClubgallantlyundertooktoaccompany\"MissBulstrode\"toherlodgings。
JackHerringexcitedjealousybysecuringtheprivilegeofcarryingherreticule。\"MissBulstrode\"wasgiventounderstandthatanythinganyofthesevencoulddoforher，eachandeverywouldbedelightedtodo，ifonlyforthesakeofherbrother，oneofthedearestboysthateverbreathed——abitofanass，thoughthat，ofcourse，hecouldnothelp。\"MissBulstrode\"wasnotasgratefulasperhapssheshouldhavebeen。Herideastillwasthatifoneofthemwouldlendheracoupleofsovereigns，therestneednotworrythemselvesfurther。This，purelyinherowninterests，theydeclinedtodo。Shehadsufferedoneextensiverobberythatdayalready，asJackremindedher。Londonwasacityofdangertotheyoungandinexperienced。Farbetterthattheyshouldwatchoverherandprovideforhersimplewants。Painfulasitwastorefusealady，abelovedcompanion’ssister’swelfarewasyetdearertothem。\"MissBulstrode’s\"onlydesirewasnottowastetheirtime。
JackHerring’sopinionwasthatthereexistednotrueEnglishmanwhowouldgrudgetimespentuponsuccouringabeautifulmaidenindistress。
Arrivedatthelittlegrocer’sshopinRollsCourt，JackHerringdrewMrs。Postwhistleaside。
\"She’sthesisterofaverydearfriendofours，\"explainedJackHerring。
\"Afine—lookinggirl，\"commentedMrs。Postwhistle。
\"Ishallberoundagaininthemorning。Don’tletheroutofyoursight，and，aboveall，don’tlendheranymoney，\"directedJackHerring。
\"Iunderstand，\"repliedMrs。Postwhistle。
\"MissBulstrode\"havingdespatchedanexcellentsupperofcoldmuttonandbottledbeer，leantbackinherchairandcrossedherlegs。
\"Ihaveoftenwondered，\"remarkedMissBulstrode，hereyesfixedupontheceiling，\"whatacigarettewouldtastelike。\"
\"Tastenasty，Ishouldsay，thefirsttime，\"thoughtMrs。
Postwhistle，whowasknitting。
\"Somegirls，soIhaveheard，\"remarkedMissBulstrode，\"smokecigarettes。\"
\"Notnicegirls，\"thoughtMrs。Postwhistle。
\"OneofthenicestgirlsIeverknew，\"remarkedMissBulstrode，\"alwayssmokedacigaretteaftersupper。Saiditsoothedhernerves。\"
\"Wouldn’t’avethoughtsoifI’d’adchargeof’er，\"saidMrs。
Postwhistle。
\"Ithink，\"saidMissBulstrode，whoseemedrestless，\"IthinkI
shallgoforalittlewalkbeforeturningin。\"
\"Perhapsitwoulddousgood，\"agreedMrs。Postwhistle，layingdownherknitting。
\"Don’tyoutroubletocome，\"urgedthethoughtfulMissBulstrode。
\"Youlooktired。\"
\"Notatall，\"repliedMrs。Postwhistle。\"FeelIshouldlikeit。\"
InsomerespectsMrs。Postwhistleprovedanadmirablecompanion。
Sheaskednoquestions，andonlyspokewhenspokento，which，duringthatwalk，wasnotoften。Attheendofhalfanhour，MissBulstrodepleadedaheadacheandthoughtshewouldreturnhomeandgotobed。Mrs。Postwhistlethoughtitareasonableidea。
\"Well，it’sbetterthantrampingthestreets，\"mutteredJohnny，asthebedroomdoorwasclosedbehindhim，\"andthat’sallonecansayforit。Mustgetholdofasmoketo—morrow，ifIhavetorobthetill。What’sthat？\"Johnnystoleacrosson，tiptoe。\"Confoundit！\"saidJohnny，\"ifshehasn’tlockedthedoor！\"
Johnnysatdownuponthebedandtookstockofhisposition。\"Itdoesn’tseemtome，\"thoughtJohnny，\"thatI’mevergoingtogetoutofthismess。\"Johnny，stillmuttering，unfastenedhisstays。
\"ThankGod，that’soff！\"ejaculatedJohnnypiously，ashewatchedhisformslowlyexpanding。\"SupposeI’llbeusedtothembeforeI’vefinishedwiththem。\"
Johnnyhadanightofdreams。
Forthewholeofnextday，whichwasFriday，Johnnyremained\"MissBulstrode，\"hopingagainsthopetofindanopportunitytoescapefromhispredicamentwithoutconfession。TheentireAutolycusClubappearedtohavefalleninlovewithhim。
\"ThoughtIwasabitofafoolmyself，\"musedJohnny，\"whereapetticoatwasconcerned。Don’tbelievetheseblitheringidiotshaveeverseenagirlbefore。\"
Theycameinones，theycameinlittleparties，andtenderedhimdevotion。EvenMrs。Postwhistle，accustomedtoregardhumanphenomenawithoutcomment，remarkeduponit。
\"Whenyouarealltiredofit，\"saidMrs。PostwhistletoJackHerring，\"letmeknow。\"
\"Themomentwefindherbrother，\"explainedJackHerring，\"ofcourseweshalltakehertohim。\"
\"Nothinglikelookingintherightplaceforathingwhenyou’vefinishedlookingintheothers，\"observedMrs。Postwhistle。
\"Whatdoyoumean？\"demandedJack。
\"JustwhatIsay，\"answeredMrs。Postwhistle。
JackHerringlookedatMrs。Postwhistle。ButMrs。Postwhistle’sfacewasnotoftheexpressiveorder。
\"Postofficestillgoingstrong？\"askedJackHerring。
\"Thepostoffice’asbeenagreat’elptome，\"admittedMrs。
Postwhistle;\"andI’mnotforgettingthatIoweittoyou。\"
\"Don’tmentionit，\"murmuredJackHerring。
Theybroughtherpresents——nothingveryexpensive，moreastokensofregard：daintypacketsofsweets，nosegaysofsimpleflowers，bottlesofscent。ToSomerville\"MissBulstrode\"hintedthatifhereallydiddesiretopleaseher，andwasn’tmerelytalkingthroughhishat——MissBulstrodeapologisedfortheslang，which，shefeared，shemusthavepickedupfromherbrother——hemightgiveheraboxofMessani’scigarettes，sizeNo。2。Thesuggestionpainedhim。SomervilletheBrieflesswasperhapsold—fashioned。MissBulstrodecuthimshortbyagreeingthathewas，andseemeddisinclinedforfurtherconversation。
TheytookhertoMadameTussaud’s。TheytookheruptheMonument。
TheytookhertotheTowerofLondon。IntheeveningtheytookhertothePolytechnictoseePepper’sGhost。Theymadeamerrypartywherevertheywent。
\"Seemtobeenjoyingthemselves！\"remarkedothersightseers，surprisedandenvious。
\"Girlseemstobeabitoutofit，\"remarkedothers，moreobservant。
\"Sulky—lookingbito’goods，Icallher，\"remarkedsomeoftheladies。
ThefortitudewithwhichMissBulstrodeborethemysteriousdisappearanceofherbrotherexcitedadmiration。
\"Hadn’twebettertelegraphtoyourpeopleinDerbyshire？\"
suggestedJackHerring。
\"Don’tdoit，\"vehementlyprotestedthethoughtfulMissBulstrode;
\"itmightalarmthem。Thebestplanisforyoutolendmeacoupleofsovereignsandletmereturnhomequietly。\"
\"Youmightberobbedagain，\"fearedJackHerring。\"I’llgodownwithyou。\"
\"Perhapshe’llturnupto—morrow，\"thoughtMissBulstrode。\"Expecthe’sgoneonavisit。\"
\"Heoughtnottohavedoneit，\"thoughtJackHerring，\"knowingyouwerecoming。\"
\"Oh！he’slikethat，\"explainedMissBulstrode。
\"IfIhadayoungandbeautifulsister——\"saidJackHerring。
\"Oh！let’stalkofsomethingelse，\"suggestedMissBulstrode。\"Youmakemetired。\"
WithJackHerring，inparticular，Johnnywasbeginningtolosepatience。That\"MissBulstrode’s\"charmshadevidentlystruckJackHerringallofaheap，asthesayingis，hadinthebeginningamusedMasterJohnny。Indeed——asintheseclusionofhisbedchamberoverthelittlegrocer’sshophetoldhimselfwithbitterself—reproach——hehadundoubtedlyencouragedtheman。FromadmirationJackhadrapidlypassedtoinfatuation，frominfatuationtoapparentimbecility。HadJohnny’smindbeenlessintentuponhisowntroubles，hemighthavebeensuspicious。Asitwas，andafterallthathadhappened，nothingnowcouldastonishJohnny。
\"ThankHeaven，\"murmuredJohnny，asheblewoutthelight，\"thisMrs。Postwhistleappearstobeareliablewoman。\"
Now，aboutthesametimethatJohnny’sheadwasfallingthusuponhispillow，theAutolycusClubsatdiscussingplansfortheirnextday’sentertainment。
\"Ithink，\"saidJackHerring，\"theCrystalPalaceinthemorningwhenit’sniceandquiet。\"
\"TobefollowedbyGreenwichHospitalintheafternoon，\"suggestedSomerville。
\"WindingupwiththeMooreandBurgessMinstrelsintheevening，\"
thoughtPorson。
\"Hardlytheplacefortheyoungperson，\"fearedJackHerring。
\"Someofthejokes——\"
\"Mr。BrandramgivesareadingofJuliusCaesaratSt。George’sHall，\"theWeeLaddieinformedthemfortheirguidance。
\"Hallo！\"saidAlexanderthePoet，enteringatthemoment。\"Whatareyoualltalkingabout？\"
\"WewerediscussingwheretotakeMissBulstrodeto—morrowevening，\"informedhimJackHerring。
\"MissBulstrode，\"repeatedthePoetinatoneofsomesurprise。
\"DoyoumeanJohnnyBulstrode’ssister？\"
\"That’sthelady，\"answeredJack。\"Buthowdoyoucometoknowabouther？ThoughtyouwereinYorkshire。\"
\"Cameupyesterday，\"explainedthePoet。\"Travelledupwithher。\"
\"Travelledupwithher？\"
\"FromMatlockBath。What’sthematterwithyouall？\"demandedthePoet。\"Youallofyoulook——\"
\"Sitdown，\"saidtheBrieflessonetothePoet。\"Let’stalkthismatteroverquietly。\"
AlexanderthePoet，mystified，satdown。
\"YousayyoutravelleduptoLondonyesterdaywithMissBulstrode。
YouaresureitwasMissBulstrode？\"
\"Sure！\"retortedthePoet。\"Why，I’veknownhereversinceshewasababy。\"
\"AboutwhattimedidyoureachLondon？\"
\"Three—thirty。\"
\"Andwhatbecameofher？Wheredidshesayshewasgoing？\"
\"Ineveraskedher。ThelastIsawofhershewasgettingintoacab。Ihadanappointmentmyself，andwas——Isay，what’sthematterwithHerring？\"
Herringhadrisenandwaswalkingaboutwithhisheadbetweenhishands。
\"Nevermindhim。MissBulstrodeisaladyofabout——howold？\"
\"Eighteen——no，nineteenlastbirthday。\"
\"Atall，handsomesortofgirl？\"
\"Yes。Isay，hasanythinghappenedtoher？\"
\"Nothinghashappenedtoher，\"assuredhimSomerville。\"SHE’Sallright。Beenhavingratheragoodtime，onthewhole。\"
ThePoetwasrelievedtohearit。
\"Iaskedheranhourago，\"saidJackHerring，whowasstillholdinghisheadbetweenhishandsasiftomakesureitwasthere，\"ifshethoughtshecouldeverlearntoloveme。Wouldyousaythatcouldbeconstruedintoanofferofmarriage？\"
TheremainderoftheClubwasunanimouslyofopinionthat，practicallyspeaking，itwasaproposal。
\"Idon’tseeit，\"arguedJackHerring。\"Itwasmerelyinthenatureofaremark。\"
TheClubwasofopinionthatsuchquibblingwasunworthyofagentleman。
Itappearedtobeacaseforpromptaction。JackHerringsatdownandthenandtherebeganalettertoMissBulstrode，careofMrs。
Postwhistle。
\"ButwhatIdon’tunderstand——\"saidAlexanderthePoet。
\"Oh！takehimawaysomewhereandtellhim，someone，\"moanedJackHerring。\"HowcanIthinkwithallthischattergoingon？\"
\"ButwhydidBennett——\"whisperedPorson。
\"WhereisBennett？\"demandedhalfadozenfiercevoices。
HarryBennetthadnotbeenseenallday。
Jack’sletterwasdeliveredto\"MissBulstrode\"thenextmorningatbreakfast—time。Havingperusedit，MissBulstroderoseandrequestedofMrs。Postwhistletheloanofhalfacrown。
\"Mr。Herring’sparticularinstructionswere，\"explainedMrs。
Postwhistle，\"that，aboveallthings，Iwasnottolendyouanymoney。\"
\"Whenyouhavereadthat，\"repliedMissBulstrode，handinghertheletter，\"perhapsyouwillagreewithmethatHerringis——anass。\"
Mrs。Postwhistlereadtheletterandproducedthehalf—crown。
\"Bettergetashavewithpartofit，\"suggestedMrs。Postwhistle。
\"Thatis，ifyouaregoingtoplaythefoolmuchlonger。\"
\"MissBulstrode\"openedhiseyes。Mrs。Postwhistlewentonwithherbreakfast。
\"Don’ttellthem，\"saidJohnny;\"notjustforalittlewhile，atallevents。\"
\"Nothingtodowithme，\"repliedMrs。Postwhistle。
Twentyminuteslater，therealMissBulstrode，onavisittoherauntinKensington，wassurprisedatreceiving，enclosedinanenvelope，thefollowinghastilyscrawlednote：—
\"Wanttospeaktoyouatonce——ALONE。Don’tyellwhenyouseeme。
It’sallright。Canexplainintwoticks。——Yourlovingbrother，JOHNNY。\"
Ittooklongerthantwoticks;butatlasttheBabecametoanendofit。
\"Whenyouhavedonelaughing，\"saidtheBabe。
\"Butyoulooksoridiculous，\"saidhissister。
\"THEYdidn’tthinkso，\"retortedtheBabe。\"Itooktheminallright。Guessyou’veneverhadasmuchattention，allinoneday。\"
\"Areyousureyoutookthemin？\"queriedhissister。
\"IfyouwillcometotheClubateighto’clockthisevening，\"saidtheBabe，\"I’llproveittoyou。PerhapsI’lltakeyouontoatheatreafterwards——ifyou’regood。\"
TheBabehimselfwalkedintotheAutolycusClubafewminutesbeforeeightandencounteredanatmosphereofrestraint。
\"Thoughtyouwerelost，\"remarkedSomervillecoldly。
\"Calledawaysuddenly——veryimportantbusiness，\"explainedtheBabe。\"Awfullymuchobligedtoallyoufellowsforallyouhavebeendoingformysister。She’sjustbeentellingme。\"
\"Don’tmentionit，\"saidtwoorthree。
\"Awfullygoodofyou，I’msure，\"persistedtheBabe。\"Don’tknowwhatshewouldhavedonewithoutyou。\"
Amerenothing，theClubassuredhim。TheblushingmodestyoftheAutolycusClubathearingoftheirowngooddeedswastouching。
Lefttothemselves，theywouldhavetalkedofquiteotherthings。
Asamatteroffact，theytriedto。
\"Neverheardherspeaksoenthusiasticallyofanyoneasshedoesofyou，Jack，\"saidtheBabe，turningtoJackHerring。
\"Ofcourse，youknow，dearboy，\"explainedJackHerring，\"anythingIcoulddoforasisterofyours——\"
\"Iknow，dearboy，\"repliedtheBabe;\"Ialwaysfeltit。\"
\"Saynomoreaboutit，\"urgedJackHerring。
\"Shecouldn’tquitemakeoutthatletterofyoursthismorning，\"
continuedtheBabe，ignoringJack’srequest。\"She’safraidyouthinkherungrateful。\"
\"Itseemedtome，onreflection，\"explainedJackHerring，\"thatononeortwolittlemattersshemayhavemisunderstoodme。AsI
wroteher，therearedayswhenIdon’tseemaltogethertoquiteknowwhatI’mdoing。\"
\"Ratherawkward，\"thoughttheBabe。
\"Itis，\"agreedJackHerring。\"Yesterdaywasoneofthem。\"
\"Shetellsmeyouweremostkindtoher，\"theBabereassuredhim。
\"Shethoughtatfirstitwasalittleuncivil，yourrefusingtolendheranymoney。ButasIputittoher——\"
\"Itwassillyofme，\"interruptedJack。\"Iseethatnow。Iwentroundthismorningmeaningtomakeitallright。Butshewasgone，andMrs。PostwhistleseemedtothinkIhadbetterleavethingsastheywere。Iblamemyselfexceedingly。\"
\"Mydearboy，don’tblameyourselfforanything。Youactednobly，\"
theBabetoldhim。\"She’scomingheretocallformethiseveningonpurposetothankyou。\"
\"I’drathernot，\"saidJackHerring。
\"Nonsense，\"saidtheBabe。
\"Youmustexcuseme，\"insistedJackHerring。\"Idon’tmeanitrudely，butreallyI’drathernotseeher。\"
\"Butheresheis，\"saidtheBabe，takingatthatmomentthecardfromoldGoslin’shand。\"Shewillthinkitsostrange。\"
\"I’dreallyrathernot，\"repeatedpoorJack。
\"Itseemsdiscourteous，\"suggestedSomerville。
\"Yougo，\"suggestedJack。
\"Shedoesn’twanttoseeme，\"explainedSomerville。
\"Yesshedoes，\"correctedhimtheBabe。
\"I’dforgotten，shewantstoseeyouboth。\"
\"IfIgo，\"saidJack，\"Ishalltellhertheplaintruth。\"
\"Doyouknow，\"saidSomerville，\"I’mthinkingthatwillbetheshortestway。\"
MissBulstrodewasseatedinthehall。JackHerringandSomervilleboththoughtherpresentquieterstyleofdresssuitedhermuchbetter。
\"Hereheis，\"announcedtheBabe，intriumph。\"Here’sJackHerringandhere’sSomerville。Doyouknow，Icouldhardlypersuadethemtocomeoutandseeyou。DearoldJack，healwayswassoshy。\"
MissBulstroderose。Shesaidshecouldneverthankthemsufficientlyforalltheirgoodnesstoher。MissBulstrodeseemedquiteovercome。Hervoicetrembledwithemotion。
\"Beforewegofurther，MissBulstrode，\"saidJackHerring，\"itwillbebesttotellyouthatallalongwethoughtyouwereyourbrother，dressedupasagirl。\"
\"Oh！\"saidtheBabe，\"sothat’stheexplanation，isit？IfIhadonlyknown——\"ThentheBabestopped，andwishedhehadn’tspoken。
Somervilleseizedhimbytheshouldersand，withasuddenjerk，stoodhimbesidehissisterunderthegas—jet。
\"Youlittlebrute！\"saidSomerville。\"Itwasyouallalong。\"AndtheBabe，seeingthegamewasup，andgladthatthejokehadnotbeenentirelyononeside，confessed。
JackHerringandSomervilletheBrieflesswentthatnightwithJohnnyandhissistertothetheatre——andonothernights。MissBulstrodethoughtJackHerringverynice，andtoldherbrotherso。
ButshethoughtSomervilletheBrieflessevennicer，andlater，undercross—examination，whenSomervillewasnolongerbriefless，toldSomervillesohimself。
Butthathasnothingtodowiththisparticularstory，theendofwhichisthatMissBulstrodekepttheappointmentmadeforMondayafternoonbetween\"MissMontgomery\"andMr。Jowett，andsecuredtherebytheMarbleSoapadvertisementforthebackpageofGoodHumourforsixmonths，attwenty—fivepoundsaweek。
STORYTHESEVENTH：DickDanverspresentshisPetitionWilliamClodd，moppinghisbrow，laiddownthescrewdriver，andsteppingback，regardedtheresultofhislabourswithevidentsatisfaction。
\"Itlookslikeabookcase，\"saidWilliamClodd。\"Youmightsitintheroomforhalfanhourandneverknowitwasn’tabookcase。\"
WhatWilliamCloddhadaccomplishedwasthis：hehadhadprepared，afterhisowndesign，whatappearedtobefourshelvesladenwithworkssuggestiveofthoughtanderudition。Asamatteroffact，itwasnotabookcase，butmerelyaflatboard，thebooksmerelythebacksofvolumesthathadlongsincefoundtheirwayintothepaper—mill。ThisartfuldeceptionWilliamCloddhadscreweduponacottagepianostandinginthecorneroftheeditorialofficeofGoodHumour。Halfadozenrealvolumespileduponthetopofthepianocompletedtheillusion。AsWilliamCloddhadproudlyremarked，acasualvisitormighteasilyhavebeendeceived。
\"Ifyouhadtositintheroomwhileshewaspractisingmixedscales，you’dbequicklyundeceived，\"saidtheeditorofGoodHumour，onePeterHope。Hespokebitterly。
\"Youarenotalwaysin，\"explainedClodd。\"Theremustbehourswhensheisherealone，withnothingelsetodo。Besides，youwillgetusedtoitafterawhile。\"
\"You，Inotice，don’ttrytogetusedtoit，\"snarledPeterHope。
\"Youalwaysgooutthemomentshecommences。\"
\"Afriendofmine，\"continuedWilliamClodd，\"workedinanofficeoverapiano—shopforsevenyears，andwhentheshopclosed，itnearlyruinedhisbusiness;couldn’tsettledowntoworkforwantofit。\"
\"Whydoesn’thecomehere？\"askedPeterHope。\"Theflooraboveisvacant。\"
\"Can’t，\"explainedWilliamClodd。\"He’sdead。\"
\"Icanquitebelieveit，\"commentedPeterHope。
\"Itwasashopwherepeoplecameandpractised，payingsixpenceanhour，andhehadgottolikeit——saiditmadeacheerfulbackgroundtohisthoughts。Wonderfulwhatyoucangetaccustomedto。\"
\"What’sthegoodofit？\"demandedPeterHope。
\"What’sthegoodofit！\"retortedWilliamCloddindignantly。
\"Everygirloughttoknowhowtoplaythepiano。Anicethingifwhenherloveraskshertoplaysomethingtohim——\"
\"Iwonderyoudon’tstartamatrimonialagency，\"sneeredPeterHope。\"Loveandmarriage——youthinkofnothingelse。\"
\"Whenyouarebringingupayounggirl——\"arguedClodd。
\"Butyou’renot，\"interruptedPeter;\"that’sjustwhatI’mtryingtogetoutofyourhead。ItisIwhoambringingherup。Andbetweenourselves，Iwishyouwouldn’tinterferesomuch。\"
\"Youarenotfittobringupagirl。\"
\"I’vebroughtherupforsevenyearswithoutyourhelp。She’smyadopteddaughter，notyours。Idowishpeoplewouldlearntomindtheirownbusiness。\"
\"You’vedoneverywell——\"
\"Thankyou，\"saidPeterHopesarcastically。\"It’sverykindofyou。Perhapswhenyou’vetime，you’llwritemeoutatestimonial。\"
\"——uptillnow，\"concludedtheimperturbableClodd。\"Agirlofeighteenwantstoknowsomethingelsebesidesmathematicsandtheclassics。Youdon’tunderstandthem。\"
\"Idounderstandthem，\"assertedPeterHope。\"Whatdoyouknowaboutthem？You’renotafather。\"
\"You’vedoneyourbest，\"admittedWilliamCloddinatoneofpatronagethatirritatedPetergreatly;\"butyou’readreamer;youdon’tknowtheworld。Thetimeiscomingwhenthegirlwillhavetothinkofahusband。\"
\"There’snoneedforhertothinkofahusband，notforyears，\"
retortedPeterHope。\"Andevenwhenshedoes，isstrummingonthepianogoingtohelpher？\"
\"Itink——Itink，\"saidDr。Smith，whohadhithertoremainedasilentlistener，\"ouryoungfrentCloddisright。Youhafneverquitegotoveryourideadatshewasgoingtobeaboy。Youhaftaughtherdetingsaboyshouldknow。\"
\"Youcutherhair，\"addedClodd。
\"Idon’t，\"snappedPeter。
\"Youletherhaveitcut——it’sthesamething。AteighteensheknowsmoreabouttheancientGreeksandRomansthanshedoesaboutherownfrocks。\"
\"Deyounggirl，\"arguedthedoctor，\"whatisshe？Deflowerdatmakesbrightforusdegardenoflife，degurglingbrookdatmurmursbydedustyhighway，decheerfulfire——\"
\"Shecan’tbeallofthem，\"snappedPeter，whowasasticklerforstyle。\"Dokeeptoonesimileatatime。\"
\"Nowyoulistentoplainsense，\"saidWilliamClodd。\"Youwant——weallwant——thegirltobeasuccessallround。\"
\"Iwanther——\"PeterHopewasrummagingamongthelitteronthedesk。Itcertainlywasnotthere。Peterpulledoutadrawer—twodrawers。\"Iwish，\"saidPeterHope，\"Iwishsometimesshewasn’tquitesoclever。\"
Theolddoctorrummagedamongdustyfilesofpapersinacorner。
Cloddfounditonthemantelpiececoncealedbeneaththehollowfootofabigbrasscandlestick，andhandedittoPeter。
Peterhadonevice——thetakinginincreasingquantitiesofsnuff，whichwasharmfulforhim，ashehimselfadmitted。Tommy，sympathetictomostmasculinefrailties，wassevere，however，uponthisone。
\"Youspillituponyourshirtandonyourcoat，\"hadarguedTommy。
\"Iliketoseeyoualwaysneat。Besides，itisn’tanicehabit。I
dowish，dad，you’dgiveitup。\"
\"Imust，\"Peterhadagreed。\"I’llbreakmyselfofit。Butnotallatonce——itwouldbeawrench;bydegrees，Tommy，bydegrees。\"
Soacompromisehadbeencompounded。Tommywastohidethesnuff—
box。Itwastobesomewhereintheroomandtobeaccessible，butthatwasall。Peter，whenself—controlhadreachedthebreaking—
point，mighttryandfindit。Occasionally，luckhelpingPeter，hewouldfinditearlyintheday，whenhewouldearnhisownbitterself—reproachesbyindulginginquiteanorgie。ButmoreoftenTommy’sartfulnesswassuchthathewouldbecompelled，bywantoftime，toabandonthesearch。Tommyalwaysknewwhenhehadfailedbytheairofindignantresignationwithwhichhewouldgreetheronherreturn。Thenperhapstowardsevening，Peter，lookingup，wouldseetheboxopenbeforehisnose，aboveit，apairofreprovingblackeyes，theirseveritycounterbalancedbyapairoffullredlipstryingnottosmile。AndPeter，knowingthatonlyonepinchwouldbepermitted，woulddipdeeply。
\"Iwanther，\"saidPeterHope，feelingwithhissnuff—boxinhishandmoreconfidenceinhisownjudgment，\"tobeasensible，cleverwoman，capableofearningherownlivingandofbeingindependent;
notamerehelplessdoll，cryingforsomemantocomeandtakecareofher。\"
\"Awoman’sbusiness，\"assertedClodd，\"istobetakencareof。\"
\"Somewomen，perhaps，\"admittedPeter;\"butTommy，youknowverywell，isnotgoingtobetheordinarytypeofwoman。Shehasbrains;shewillmakeherwayintheworld。\"
\"Itdoesn’tdependuponbrains，\"saidClodd。\"Shehasn’tgottheelbows。\"
\"Theelbows？\"
\"Theyarenotsharpenough。Thelast’bushomeonawetnighttellsyouwhetherawomaniscapableofpushingherownwayintheworld。Tommy’sthesorttogetleftonthekerb。\"
\"She’sthesort，\"retortedPeter，\"tomakeanameforherselfandtobeabletoaffordacab。Don’tyoubullyme！\"Petersniffedself—assertivenessfrombetweenhisthumbandfinger。
\"Yes，Ishall，\"Cloddtoldhim，\"onthisparticularpoint。Thepoorgirl’sgotnomother。\"
Fortunatelyforthegeneralharmonythedooropenedatthemomenttoadmitthesubjectofdiscussion。
\"GotthatDaisyBlossomadvertisementoutofoldBlatchley，\"
announcedTommy，wavingtriumphantlyapieceofpaperoverherhead。
\"No！\"exclaimedPeter。\"Howdidyoumanageit？\"
\"Askedhimforit，\"wasTommy’sexplanation。
\"Veryodd，\"musedPeter;\"askedtheoldidiotforitmyselfonlylastweek。Herefuseditpoint—blank。\"
Cloddsnortedreproof。\"YouknowIdon’tlikeyourdoingthatsortofthing。Itisn’tproperforayounggirl——\"
\"It’sallright，\"assuredhimTommy;\"he’sbald！\"
\"Thatmakesnodifference，\"wasClodd’sopinion。
\"Yesitdoes，\"wasTommy’s。\"Ilikethembald。\"
TommytookPeter’sheadbetweenherhandsandkissedit，andindoingsonoticedthetell—talespecksofsnuff。
\"Justapinch，mydear，\"explainedPeter，\"themerestpinch。\"
Tommytookupthesnuff—boxfromthedesk。\"I’llshowyouwhereI’mgoingtoputitthistime。\"Sheputitinherpocket。Peter’sfacefell。
\"Whatdoyouthinkofit？\"saidClodd。Heledhertothecorner。
\"Goodidea，ain’tit？\"
\"Why，where’sthepiano？\"demandedTommy。
Cloddturnedindelightedtriumphtotheothers。
\"Humbug！\"growledPeter。
\"Itisn’thumbug，\"criedCloddindignantly。\"Shethoughtitwasabookcase——anybodywould。You’llbeabletositthereandpractisebythehour，\"explainedCloddtoTommy。\"Whenyouhearanybodycomingupthestairs，youcanleaveoff。\"
\"Howcanshehearanythingwhenshe——\"AbrightideaoccurredtoPeter。\"Don’tyouthink，Clodd，asapracticalman，\"suggestedPeterinsinuatingly，adoptingtheSocraticmethod，\"thatifwegotheroneofthosedummypianos——youknowwhatImean;it’sjustlikeanordinarypiano，onlyyoudon’thearit？\"
Cloddshookhishead。\"Nogoodatall。Can’ttelltheeffectsheisproducing。\"
\"Quiteso。Then，ontheotherhand，Clodd，don’tyouthinkthathearingtheeffecttheyareproducingmaysometimesdiscouragethebeginner？\"
Clodd’sopinionwasthatsuchdiscouragementwasathingtobebattledwith。
Tommy，whohadseatedherself，commencedascaleincontrarymotion。
\"Well，I’mgoingacrosstotheprinter’snow，\"explainedClodd，takinguphishat。\"GotanappointmentwithyoungGrindleyatthree。Yousticktoit。Asparehalf—hournowandthenthatyounevermissdoeswonders。You’vegotitinyou。\"WiththeseencouragingremarkstoTommy，Clodddisappeared。
