第6章

类别:其他 作者:Jerome K. Jerome字数:15948更新时间:19/01/05 16:48:34
Againstourfellow—menwecanprotectourselves,butiftheladiesaregoingtoattackus——reallyitisn’tfair。\" MissMontgomerypleaded。 \"I’llthinkitover,\"wasallthatMr。Jowettcouldbemadetopromise。\"Lookmeupagain。\" \"When?\"askedMissMontgomery。 \"What’sto—day?——Thursday。SayMonday。\"Mr。Jowettrangthebell。 \"Takemyadvice,\"saidtheoldgentleman,layingafatherlyhandonJohnny’sshoulder,\"leavebusinesstousmen。Youareahandsomegirl。Youcandobetterforyourselfthanthis。\" Aclerkentered,Johnnyrose。 \"OnMondaynext,then,\"Johnnyremindedhim。 \"Atfouro’clock,\"agreedMr。Jowett。\"Goodafternoon。\" Johnnywentoutfeelingdisappointed,andyet,ashetoldhimself,hehadn’tdonesobadly。Anyhow,therewasnothingforitbuttowaittillMonday。Nowhewouldgohome,changehisclothes,andgetsomedinner。Hehailedahansom。 \"Numbertwenty—eight——no。StopattheQueen’sStreetcornerofLincoln’sInnFields,\"Johnnydirectedtheman。 \"Quiteright,miss,\"commentedthecabmanpleasantly。\"Corner’sbest——savesalltalk。\" \"Whatdoyoumean?\"demandedJohnny。 \"Nooffence,miss,\"answeredtheman。\"Wewasallyoungonce。\" Johnnyclimbedin。AtthecornerofQueenStreetandLincoln’sInnFields,Johnnygotout。Johnny,whohadbeenponderingothermatters,puthishandinstinctivelytowhere,speakinggenerally,hispocketshouldhavebeen;thenrecollectedhimself。 \"Letmesee,didIthinktobringanymoneyoutwithme,ordidI not?\"musedJohnny,ashestooduponthekerb。 \"Lookintheridicule,miss,\"suggestedthecabman。 Johnnylooked。Itwasempty。 \"PerhapsIputitinmypocket,\"thoughtJohnny。 Thecabmanhitchedhisreinstothewhip—socketandleantback。 \"It’ssomewhereabouthere,Iknow,Isawit,\"Johnnytoldhimself。 \"Sorrytokeepyouwaiting,\"Johnnyaddedaloudtothecabman。 \"Don’tyouworryaboutthat,miss,\"repliedthecabmancivilly;\"weareusedtoit。Ashillingaquarterofanhouriswhatwecharge。\" \"Ofallthedamnedsillytricks!\"mutteredJohnnytohimself。 Twosmallboysandagirlcarryingababypaused,interested。 \"Goaway,\"toldthemthecabman。\"You’llhavetroublesofyourownoneday。\" Theurchinsmovedafewstepsfurther,thenhaltedagainandwerejoinedbyaslatternlywomanandanotherboy。 \"Gotit!\"criedJohnny,unabletosuppresshisdelightashishandslippedthroughafold。Theladywiththebaby,withoutpreciselyknowingwhy,setupashrillcheer。Johnny’sdelightdiedaway;itwasn’tthepocket—hole。Shortoftakingtheskirtoffandturningitinsideout,itdidn’tseemtoJohnnythatheeverwouldfindthatpocket。 Theninthatmomentofdespairhecameacrossitaccidentally。Itwasasemptyasthereticule! \"Iamsorry,\"saidJohnnytothecabman,\"butIappeartohavecomeoutwithoutmypurse。\" Thecabmansaidhehadheardthattalebefore,andwasmakingpreparationstodescend。Thecrowd,nownumberingeleven,lookedhopeful。ItoccurredtoJohnnylaterthathemighthaveofferedhisumbrellatothecabman;atleastitwouldhavefetchedtheeighteenpence。Onethinksofthesethingsafterwards。Theonlyideathatoccurredtohimatthemomentwasthatofgettinghome。 \"’Ere,’oldmy’orseaminute,oneofyer,\"shoutedthecabman。 Halfadozenwillinghandsseizedthedozingsteedandrouseditintomadness。 \"Hi!stop’er!\"roaredthecabman。 \"She’sdown!\"shoutedtheexcitedcrowd。 \"Trippedover’erskirt,\"explainedtheslatternlywoman。\"Theydo’amperyou。\" \"No,she’snot。She’supagain!\"vociferatedadelightedplumber,withasoundingslaponhisownleg。\"Gorblimy,ifsheain’tagood’un!\" FortunatelytheSquarewastolerablyclearandJohnnyagoodrunner。Holdingnowhisskirtandpetticoathighinhislefthand,JohnnymovedacrosstheSquareattherateoffifteenmilesanhour。Abutcher’sboyspranginfrontofhimwitharmsheldouttostophim。Thethingthatforthenextthreemonthsannoyedthatbutcherboymostwashearingshoutedoutafterhim\"Yah!whowasknockeddownandrunoverbyalidy?\"BythetimeJohnnyreachedtheStrand,viaClement’sInn,thehueandcrywasfarbehind。 Johnnydroppedhisskirtsandassumedamoregirlishpace。ThroughBowStreetandLongAcrehereachedGreatQueenStreetinsafety。 Uponhisowndoorstephebegantolaugh。Hisafternoon’sexperiencehadbeenamusing;still,onthewhole,hewasn’tsorryitwasover。Onecanhavetoomuchevenofthebestofjokes。 Johnnyrangthebell。 Thedooropened。Johnnywouldhavewalkedinhadnotabig,raw— bonedwomanbarredhisprogress。 \"Whatdoyouwant?\"demandedtheraw—bonedwoman。 \"Wanttocomein,\"explainedJohnny。 \"Whatdoyouwanttocomeinfor?\" ThisappearedtoJohnnyafoolishquestion。Onreflectionhesawthesenseofit。Thisraw—bonedwomanwasnotMrs。Pegg,hislandlady。Somefriendofhers,hesupposed。 \"It’sallright,\"saidJohnny,\"Ilivehere。Leftmylatchkeyathome,that’sall。\" \"There’snofemaleslodginghere,\"declaredtheraw—bonedlady。 \"Andwhat’smore,there’sgoingtobenone。\" Allthiswasveryvexing。Johnny,inhisjoyatreachinghisowndoorstep,hadnotforeseenthesecomplications。Nowitwouldbenecessarytoexplainthings。Heonlyhopedthestorywouldnotgetroundtothefellowsattheclub。 \"AskMrs。Peggtostepupforaminute,\"requestedJohnny。 \"Notat’ome,\"explainedtheraw—bonedlady。 \"Not——notathome?\" \"GonetoRomford,ifyouwishtoknow,toseehermother。\" \"GonetoRomford?\" \"IsaidRomford,didn’tI?\"retortedtheraw—bonedlady,tartly。 \"What——whattimedoyouexpectherin?\" \"Sundayevening,sixo’clock,\"repliedtheraw—bonedlady。 Johnnylookedattheraw—bonedlady,imaginedhimselftellingtheraw—bonedladythesimple,unvarnishedtruth,andtheraw—bonedlady’sutterdisbeliefofeverywordofit。Aninspirationcametohisaid。 \"IamMr。Bulstrode’ssister,\"saidJohnnymeekly;\"he’sexpectingme。\" \"Thoughtyousaidyoulivedhere?\"remindedhimtheraw—bonedlady。 \"Imeantthathelivedhere,\"repliedpoorJohnnystillmoremeekly。\"Hehasthesecondfloor,youknow。\" \"Iknow,\"repliedtheraw—bonedlady。\"Notinjustatpresent。\" \"Notin?\" \"Wentoutatthreeo’clock。\" \"I’llgouptohisroomandwaitforhim,\"saidJohnny。 \"No,youwon’t,\"saidtheraw—bonedlady。 ForaninstantitoccurredtoJohnnytomakeadashforit,buttheraw—bonedladylookedbothformidableanddetermined。Therewouldbeabigdisturbance——perhapsthepolicecalledin。Johnnyhadoftenwantedtoseehisnameinprint:inconnectionwiththisaffairhesomehowfelthedidn’t。 \"Doletmein,\"Johnnypleaded;\"Ihavenowhereelsetogo。\" \"Youhaveawalkandcoolyourself,\"suggestedtheraw—bonedlady。 \"Don’texpecthewillbelong。\" \"But,yousee——\" Theraw—bonedladyslammedthedoor。 OutsidearestaurantinWellingtonStreet,fromwhichproceededsavouryodours,Johnnypausedandtriedtothink。 \"WhatthedevildidIdowiththatumbrella?Ihadit——no,I didn’t。Musthavedroppedit,Isuppose,whenthatsillyasstriedtostopme。ByJove!Iamhavingluck!\" OutsideanotherrestaurantintheStrandJohnnypausedagain。\"HowamItolivetillSundaynight?WhereamItosleep?IfI telegraphhome——damnit!howcanItelegraph?Ihaven’tgotapenny。Thisisfunny,\"saidJohnny,unconsciouslyspeakingaloud; \"uponmyword,thisisfunny!Oh!yougoto——。\" Johnnyhurledthislastattheheadofanovergrownerrand—boywhoseintentionhadbeentooffersympathy。 \"Well,Inever!\"commentedapassingflower—girl。\"Calls’erselfalidy,Isuppose。\" \"Nowadays,\"observedthestudandbuttonmerchantatthecornerofExeterStreet,\"theymake’emoutofanything。\" Drawnbyanotionthatwasforminginhismind,JohnnyturnedhisstepsupBedfordStreet。\"Whynot?\"musedJohnny。\"Nobodyelseseemstohaveasuspicion。Whyshouldthey?I’llneverhearthelastofitiftheyfindmeout。Butwhyshouldtheyfindmeout? Well,something’sgottobedone。\" Johnnywalkedonquickly。AtthedooroftheAutolycusClubhewasundecidedforamoment,thentookhiscourageinbothhandsandplungedthroughtheswingdoors。 \"IsMr。Herring——Mr。JackHerring——here?\" \"Findhiminthesmoking—room,Mr。Bulstrode,\"answeredoldGoslin,whowasreadingtheeveningpaper。 \"Oh,wouldyoumindaskinghimtostepoutamoment?\" OldGoslinlookedup,tookoffhisspectacles,rubbedthem,putthemonagain。 \"PleasesayMissBulstrode——Mr。Bulstrode’ssister。\" OldGoslinfoundJackHerringthecentreofanearnestargumentonHamlet——washereallymad? \"Aladytoseeyou,Mr。Herring,\"announcedoldGoslin。 \"Awhat?\" \"MissBulstrode——Mr。Bulstrode’ssister。She’swaitinginthehall。\" \"Neverknewhehadasister,\"saidJackHerring,rising。 \"Waitaminute,\"saidHarryBennett。\"Shutthatdoor。Don’tgo。\" ThistooldGoslin,whoclosedthedoorandreturned。\"Ladyinaheliotropedresswithalacecollar,threeflouncesontheskirt?\" \"That’sright,Mr。Bennett,\"agreedoldGoslin。 \"It’stheBabehimself!\"assertedHarryBennett。 ThequestionofHamlet’smadnesswasforgotten。 \"WasinatStinchcombe’sthismorning,\"explainedHarryBennett; \"sawtheclothesonthecounteraddressedtohim。That’stheidenticalfrock。Thisisjusta’tryon’——thinkshe’sgoingtohavealarkwithus。\" TheAutolycusClublookedroundatitself。 \"Icanseeverrapromisingpossibilitiesinthis,providedthethingisproperlymanaged,\"saidtheWeeLaddie,afterapause。 \"SocanI,\"agreedJackHerring。\"Keepwhereyouare,allofyou。 ’Twouldbeapitytofoolit,\" TheAutolycusClubwaited。JackHerringre—enteredtheroom。 \"OneofthesaddeststoriesIhaveeverheardinallmylife,\" explainedJackHerringinawhisper。\"PoorgirlleftDerbyshirethismorningtocomeandseeherbrother;foundhimout——hasn’tbeenseenathislodgingssincethreeo’clock;fearssomethingmayhavehappenedtohim。LandladygonetoRomfordtoseehermother; strangewomanincharge,won’tletherintowaitforhim。\" \"Howsaditiswhentroubleovertakestheinnocentandhelpless!\" murmuredSomervilletheBriefless。 \"That’snottheworstofit,\"continuedJack。\"Thedeargirlhasbeenrobbedofeverythingshepossesses,evenofherumbrella,andhasn’tgotasou;hasn’thadanydinner,anddoesn’tknowwheretosleep。\" \"Soundsabitelaborate,\"thoughtPorson。 \"IthinkIcanunderstandit,\"saidtheBrieflessone。\"Whathashappenedisthis。He’sdressedupthinkingtohaveabitoffunwithus,andhascomeout,forgettingtoputanymoneyorhislatchkeyinhispocket。HislandladymayhavegonetoRomfordormaynot。Inanycase,hewouldhavetoknockatthedoorandenterintoexplanations。Whatdoeshesuggest——theloanofasovereign?\" \"Theloanoftwo,\"repliedJackHerring。 \"Tobuyhimselfasuitofclothes。Don’tyoudoit,Jack。 Providencehasimposedthisuponus。Ourdutyistoshowhimthefollyofindulginginsenselessescapades。\" \"Ithinkwemightgivehimadinner,\"thoughtthestoutandsympatheticPorson。 \"WhatIproposetodo,\"grinnedJack,\"istotakehimroundtoMrs。 Postwhistle’s。She’sunderasortofobligationtome。ItwasI whogotherthepostoffice。We’llleavehimthereforanight,withinstructionstoMrs。P。tokeepamotherlyeyeonhim。To— morrowheshallhavehis’bitoffun,’andIguesshe’llbethefirsttogettiredofthejoke。\" Itlookedapromisingplot。SevenmembersoftheAutolycusClubgallantlyundertooktoaccompany\"MissBulstrode\"toherlodgings。 JackHerringexcitedjealousybysecuringtheprivilegeofcarryingherreticule。\"MissBulstrode\"wasgiventounderstandthatanythinganyofthesevencoulddoforher,eachandeverywouldbedelightedtodo,ifonlyforthesakeofherbrother,oneofthedearestboysthateverbreathed——abitofanass,thoughthat,ofcourse,hecouldnothelp。\"MissBulstrode\"wasnotasgratefulasperhapssheshouldhavebeen。Herideastillwasthatifoneofthemwouldlendheracoupleofsovereigns,therestneednotworrythemselvesfurther。This,purelyinherowninterests,theydeclinedtodo。Shehadsufferedoneextensiverobberythatdayalready,asJackremindedher。Londonwasacityofdangertotheyoungandinexperienced。Farbetterthattheyshouldwatchoverherandprovideforhersimplewants。Painfulasitwastorefusealady,abelovedcompanion’ssister’swelfarewasyetdearertothem。\"MissBulstrode’s\"onlydesirewasnottowastetheirtime。 JackHerring’sopinionwasthatthereexistednotrueEnglishmanwhowouldgrudgetimespentuponsuccouringabeautifulmaidenindistress。 Arrivedatthelittlegrocer’sshopinRollsCourt,JackHerringdrewMrs。Postwhistleaside。 \"She’sthesisterofaverydearfriendofours,\"explainedJackHerring。 \"Afine—lookinggirl,\"commentedMrs。Postwhistle。 \"Ishallberoundagaininthemorning。Don’tletheroutofyoursight,and,aboveall,don’tlendheranymoney,\"directedJackHerring。 \"Iunderstand,\"repliedMrs。Postwhistle。 \"MissBulstrode\"havingdespatchedanexcellentsupperofcoldmuttonandbottledbeer,leantbackinherchairandcrossedherlegs。 \"Ihaveoftenwondered,\"remarkedMissBulstrode,hereyesfixedupontheceiling,\"whatacigarettewouldtastelike。\" \"Tastenasty,Ishouldsay,thefirsttime,\"thoughtMrs。 Postwhistle,whowasknitting。 \"Somegirls,soIhaveheard,\"remarkedMissBulstrode,\"smokecigarettes。\" \"Notnicegirls,\"thoughtMrs。Postwhistle。 \"OneofthenicestgirlsIeverknew,\"remarkedMissBulstrode,\"alwayssmokedacigaretteaftersupper。Saiditsoothedhernerves。\" \"Wouldn’t’avethoughtsoifI’d’adchargeof’er,\"saidMrs。 Postwhistle。 \"Ithink,\"saidMissBulstrode,whoseemedrestless,\"IthinkI shallgoforalittlewalkbeforeturningin。\" \"Perhapsitwoulddousgood,\"agreedMrs。Postwhistle,layingdownherknitting。 \"Don’tyoutroubletocome,\"urgedthethoughtfulMissBulstrode。 \"Youlooktired。\" \"Notatall,\"repliedMrs。Postwhistle。\"FeelIshouldlikeit。\" InsomerespectsMrs。Postwhistleprovedanadmirablecompanion。 Sheaskednoquestions,andonlyspokewhenspokento,which,duringthatwalk,wasnotoften。Attheendofhalfanhour,MissBulstrodepleadedaheadacheandthoughtshewouldreturnhomeandgotobed。Mrs。Postwhistlethoughtitareasonableidea。 \"Well,it’sbetterthantrampingthestreets,\"mutteredJohnny,asthebedroomdoorwasclosedbehindhim,\"andthat’sallonecansayforit。Mustgetholdofasmoketo—morrow,ifIhavetorobthetill。What’sthat?\"Johnnystoleacrosson,tiptoe。\"Confoundit!\"saidJohnny,\"ifshehasn’tlockedthedoor!\" Johnnysatdownuponthebedandtookstockofhisposition。\"Itdoesn’tseemtome,\"thoughtJohnny,\"thatI’mevergoingtogetoutofthismess。\"Johnny,stillmuttering,unfastenedhisstays。 \"ThankGod,that’soff!\"ejaculatedJohnnypiously,ashewatchedhisformslowlyexpanding。\"SupposeI’llbeusedtothembeforeI’vefinishedwiththem。\" Johnnyhadanightofdreams。 Forthewholeofnextday,whichwasFriday,Johnnyremained\"MissBulstrode,\"hopingagainsthopetofindanopportunitytoescapefromhispredicamentwithoutconfession。TheentireAutolycusClubappearedtohavefalleninlovewithhim。 \"ThoughtIwasabitofafoolmyself,\"musedJohnny,\"whereapetticoatwasconcerned。Don’tbelievetheseblitheringidiotshaveeverseenagirlbefore。\" Theycameinones,theycameinlittleparties,andtenderedhimdevotion。EvenMrs。Postwhistle,accustomedtoregardhumanphenomenawithoutcomment,remarkeduponit。 \"Whenyouarealltiredofit,\"saidMrs。PostwhistletoJackHerring,\"letmeknow。\" \"Themomentwefindherbrother,\"explainedJackHerring,\"ofcourseweshalltakehertohim。\" \"Nothinglikelookingintherightplaceforathingwhenyou’vefinishedlookingintheothers,\"observedMrs。Postwhistle。 \"Whatdoyoumean?\"demandedJack。 \"JustwhatIsay,\"answeredMrs。Postwhistle。 JackHerringlookedatMrs。Postwhistle。ButMrs。Postwhistle’sfacewasnotoftheexpressiveorder。 \"Postofficestillgoingstrong?\"askedJackHerring。 \"Thepostoffice’asbeenagreat’elptome,\"admittedMrs。 Postwhistle;\"andI’mnotforgettingthatIoweittoyou。\" \"Don’tmentionit,\"murmuredJackHerring。 Theybroughtherpresents——nothingveryexpensive,moreastokensofregard:daintypacketsofsweets,nosegaysofsimpleflowers,bottlesofscent。ToSomerville\"MissBulstrode\"hintedthatifhereallydiddesiretopleaseher,andwasn’tmerelytalkingthroughhishat——MissBulstrodeapologisedfortheslang,which,shefeared,shemusthavepickedupfromherbrother——hemightgiveheraboxofMessani’scigarettes,sizeNo。2。Thesuggestionpainedhim。SomervilletheBrieflesswasperhapsold—fashioned。MissBulstrodecuthimshortbyagreeingthathewas,andseemeddisinclinedforfurtherconversation。 TheytookhertoMadameTussaud’s。TheytookheruptheMonument。 TheytookhertotheTowerofLondon。IntheeveningtheytookhertothePolytechnictoseePepper’sGhost。Theymadeamerrypartywherevertheywent。 \"Seemtobeenjoyingthemselves!\"remarkedothersightseers,surprisedandenvious。 \"Girlseemstobeabitoutofit,\"remarkedothers,moreobservant。 \"Sulky—lookingbito’goods,Icallher,\"remarkedsomeoftheladies。 ThefortitudewithwhichMissBulstrodeborethemysteriousdisappearanceofherbrotherexcitedadmiration。 \"Hadn’twebettertelegraphtoyourpeopleinDerbyshire?\" suggestedJackHerring。 \"Don’tdoit,\"vehementlyprotestedthethoughtfulMissBulstrode; \"itmightalarmthem。Thebestplanisforyoutolendmeacoupleofsovereignsandletmereturnhomequietly。\" \"Youmightberobbedagain,\"fearedJackHerring。\"I’llgodownwithyou。\" \"Perhapshe’llturnupto—morrow,\"thoughtMissBulstrode。\"Expecthe’sgoneonavisit。\" \"Heoughtnottohavedoneit,\"thoughtJackHerring,\"knowingyouwerecoming。\" \"Oh!he’slikethat,\"explainedMissBulstrode。 \"IfIhadayoungandbeautifulsister——\"saidJackHerring。 \"Oh!let’stalkofsomethingelse,\"suggestedMissBulstrode。\"Youmakemetired。\" WithJackHerring,inparticular,Johnnywasbeginningtolosepatience。That\"MissBulstrode’s\"charmshadevidentlystruckJackHerringallofaheap,asthesayingis,hadinthebeginningamusedMasterJohnny。Indeed——asintheseclusionofhisbedchamberoverthelittlegrocer’sshophetoldhimselfwithbitterself—reproach——hehadundoubtedlyencouragedtheman。FromadmirationJackhadrapidlypassedtoinfatuation,frominfatuationtoapparentimbecility。HadJohnny’smindbeenlessintentuponhisowntroubles,hemighthavebeensuspicious。Asitwas,andafterallthathadhappened,nothingnowcouldastonishJohnny。 \"ThankHeaven,\"murmuredJohnny,asheblewoutthelight,\"thisMrs。Postwhistleappearstobeareliablewoman。\" Now,aboutthesametimethatJohnny’sheadwasfallingthusuponhispillow,theAutolycusClubsatdiscussingplansfortheirnextday’sentertainment。 \"Ithink,\"saidJackHerring,\"theCrystalPalaceinthemorningwhenit’sniceandquiet。\" \"TobefollowedbyGreenwichHospitalintheafternoon,\"suggestedSomerville。 \"WindingupwiththeMooreandBurgessMinstrelsintheevening,\" thoughtPorson。 \"Hardlytheplacefortheyoungperson,\"fearedJackHerring。 \"Someofthejokes——\" \"Mr。BrandramgivesareadingofJuliusCaesaratSt。George’sHall,\"theWeeLaddieinformedthemfortheirguidance。 \"Hallo!\"saidAlexanderthePoet,enteringatthemoment。\"Whatareyoualltalkingabout?\" \"WewerediscussingwheretotakeMissBulstrodeto—morrowevening,\"informedhimJackHerring。 \"MissBulstrode,\"repeatedthePoetinatoneofsomesurprise。 \"DoyoumeanJohnnyBulstrode’ssister?\" \"That’sthelady,\"answeredJack。\"Buthowdoyoucometoknowabouther?ThoughtyouwereinYorkshire。\" \"Cameupyesterday,\"explainedthePoet。\"Travelledupwithher。\" \"Travelledupwithher?\" \"FromMatlockBath。What’sthematterwithyouall?\"demandedthePoet。\"Youallofyoulook——\" \"Sitdown,\"saidtheBrieflessonetothePoet。\"Let’stalkthismatteroverquietly。\" AlexanderthePoet,mystified,satdown。 \"YousayyoutravelleduptoLondonyesterdaywithMissBulstrode。 YouaresureitwasMissBulstrode?\" \"Sure!\"retortedthePoet。\"Why,I’veknownhereversinceshewasababy。\" \"AboutwhattimedidyoureachLondon?\" \"Three—thirty。\" \"Andwhatbecameofher?Wheredidshesayshewasgoing?\" \"Ineveraskedher。ThelastIsawofhershewasgettingintoacab。Ihadanappointmentmyself,andwas——Isay,what’sthematterwithHerring?\" Herringhadrisenandwaswalkingaboutwithhisheadbetweenhishands。 \"Nevermindhim。MissBulstrodeisaladyofabout——howold?\" \"Eighteen——no,nineteenlastbirthday。\" \"Atall,handsomesortofgirl?\" \"Yes。Isay,hasanythinghappenedtoher?\" \"Nothinghashappenedtoher,\"assuredhimSomerville。\"SHE’Sallright。Beenhavingratheragoodtime,onthewhole。\" ThePoetwasrelievedtohearit。 \"Iaskedheranhourago,\"saidJackHerring,whowasstillholdinghisheadbetweenhishandsasiftomakesureitwasthere,\"ifshethoughtshecouldeverlearntoloveme。Wouldyousaythatcouldbeconstruedintoanofferofmarriage?\" TheremainderoftheClubwasunanimouslyofopinionthat,practicallyspeaking,itwasaproposal。 \"Idon’tseeit,\"arguedJackHerring。\"Itwasmerelyinthenatureofaremark。\" TheClubwasofopinionthatsuchquibblingwasunworthyofagentleman。 Itappearedtobeacaseforpromptaction。JackHerringsatdownandthenandtherebeganalettertoMissBulstrode,careofMrs。 Postwhistle。 \"ButwhatIdon’tunderstand——\"saidAlexanderthePoet。 \"Oh!takehimawaysomewhereandtellhim,someone,\"moanedJackHerring。\"HowcanIthinkwithallthischattergoingon?\" \"ButwhydidBennett——\"whisperedPorson。 \"WhereisBennett?\"demandedhalfadozenfiercevoices。 HarryBennetthadnotbeenseenallday。 Jack’sletterwasdeliveredto\"MissBulstrode\"thenextmorningatbreakfast—time。Havingperusedit,MissBulstroderoseandrequestedofMrs。Postwhistletheloanofhalfacrown。 \"Mr。Herring’sparticularinstructionswere,\"explainedMrs。 Postwhistle,\"that,aboveallthings,Iwasnottolendyouanymoney。\" \"Whenyouhavereadthat,\"repliedMissBulstrode,handinghertheletter,\"perhapsyouwillagreewithmethatHerringis——anass。\" Mrs。Postwhistlereadtheletterandproducedthehalf—crown。 \"Bettergetashavewithpartofit,\"suggestedMrs。Postwhistle。 \"Thatis,ifyouaregoingtoplaythefoolmuchlonger。\" \"MissBulstrode\"openedhiseyes。Mrs。Postwhistlewentonwithherbreakfast。 \"Don’ttellthem,\"saidJohnny;\"notjustforalittlewhile,atallevents。\" \"Nothingtodowithme,\"repliedMrs。Postwhistle。 Twentyminuteslater,therealMissBulstrode,onavisittoherauntinKensington,wassurprisedatreceiving,enclosedinanenvelope,thefollowinghastilyscrawlednote:— \"Wanttospeaktoyouatonce——ALONE。Don’tyellwhenyouseeme。 It’sallright。Canexplainintwoticks。——Yourlovingbrother,JOHNNY。\" Ittooklongerthantwoticks;butatlasttheBabecametoanendofit。 \"Whenyouhavedonelaughing,\"saidtheBabe。 \"Butyoulooksoridiculous,\"saidhissister。 \"THEYdidn’tthinkso,\"retortedtheBabe。\"Itooktheminallright。Guessyou’veneverhadasmuchattention,allinoneday。\" \"Areyousureyoutookthemin?\"queriedhissister。 \"IfyouwillcometotheClubateighto’clockthisevening,\"saidtheBabe,\"I’llproveittoyou。PerhapsI’lltakeyouontoatheatreafterwards——ifyou’regood。\" TheBabehimselfwalkedintotheAutolycusClubafewminutesbeforeeightandencounteredanatmosphereofrestraint。 \"Thoughtyouwerelost,\"remarkedSomervillecoldly。 \"Calledawaysuddenly——veryimportantbusiness,\"explainedtheBabe。\"Awfullymuchobligedtoallyoufellowsforallyouhavebeendoingformysister。She’sjustbeentellingme。\" \"Don’tmentionit,\"saidtwoorthree。 \"Awfullygoodofyou,I’msure,\"persistedtheBabe。\"Don’tknowwhatshewouldhavedonewithoutyou。\" Amerenothing,theClubassuredhim。TheblushingmodestyoftheAutolycusClubathearingoftheirowngooddeedswastouching。 Lefttothemselves,theywouldhavetalkedofquiteotherthings。 Asamatteroffact,theytriedto。 \"Neverheardherspeaksoenthusiasticallyofanyoneasshedoesofyou,Jack,\"saidtheBabe,turningtoJackHerring。 \"Ofcourse,youknow,dearboy,\"explainedJackHerring,\"anythingIcoulddoforasisterofyours——\" \"Iknow,dearboy,\"repliedtheBabe;\"Ialwaysfeltit。\" \"Saynomoreaboutit,\"urgedJackHerring。 \"Shecouldn’tquitemakeoutthatletterofyoursthismorning,\" continuedtheBabe,ignoringJack’srequest。\"She’safraidyouthinkherungrateful。\" \"Itseemedtome,onreflection,\"explainedJackHerring,\"thatononeortwolittlemattersshemayhavemisunderstoodme。AsI wroteher,therearedayswhenIdon’tseemaltogethertoquiteknowwhatI’mdoing。\" \"Ratherawkward,\"thoughttheBabe。 \"Itis,\"agreedJackHerring。\"Yesterdaywasoneofthem。\" \"Shetellsmeyouweremostkindtoher,\"theBabereassuredhim。 \"Shethoughtatfirstitwasalittleuncivil,yourrefusingtolendheranymoney。ButasIputittoher——\" \"Itwassillyofme,\"interruptedJack。\"Iseethatnow。Iwentroundthismorningmeaningtomakeitallright。Butshewasgone,andMrs。PostwhistleseemedtothinkIhadbetterleavethingsastheywere。Iblamemyselfexceedingly。\" \"Mydearboy,don’tblameyourselfforanything。Youactednobly,\" theBabetoldhim。\"She’scomingheretocallformethiseveningonpurposetothankyou。\" \"I’drathernot,\"saidJackHerring。 \"Nonsense,\"saidtheBabe。 \"Youmustexcuseme,\"insistedJackHerring。\"Idon’tmeanitrudely,butreallyI’drathernotseeher。\" \"Butheresheis,\"saidtheBabe,takingatthatmomentthecardfromoldGoslin’shand。\"Shewillthinkitsostrange。\" \"I’dreallyrathernot,\"repeatedpoorJack。 \"Itseemsdiscourteous,\"suggestedSomerville。 \"Yougo,\"suggestedJack。 \"Shedoesn’twanttoseeme,\"explainedSomerville。 \"Yesshedoes,\"correctedhimtheBabe。 \"I’dforgotten,shewantstoseeyouboth。\" \"IfIgo,\"saidJack,\"Ishalltellhertheplaintruth。\" \"Doyouknow,\"saidSomerville,\"I’mthinkingthatwillbetheshortestway。\" MissBulstrodewasseatedinthehall。JackHerringandSomervilleboththoughtherpresentquieterstyleofdresssuitedhermuchbetter。 \"Hereheis,\"announcedtheBabe,intriumph。\"Here’sJackHerringandhere’sSomerville。Doyouknow,Icouldhardlypersuadethemtocomeoutandseeyou。DearoldJack,healwayswassoshy。\" MissBulstroderose。Shesaidshecouldneverthankthemsufficientlyforalltheirgoodnesstoher。MissBulstrodeseemedquiteovercome。Hervoicetrembledwithemotion。 \"Beforewegofurther,MissBulstrode,\"saidJackHerring,\"itwillbebesttotellyouthatallalongwethoughtyouwereyourbrother,dressedupasagirl。\" \"Oh!\"saidtheBabe,\"sothat’stheexplanation,isit?IfIhadonlyknown——\"ThentheBabestopped,andwishedhehadn’tspoken。 Somervilleseizedhimbytheshouldersand,withasuddenjerk,stoodhimbesidehissisterunderthegas—jet。 \"Youlittlebrute!\"saidSomerville。\"Itwasyouallalong。\"AndtheBabe,seeingthegamewasup,andgladthatthejokehadnotbeenentirelyononeside,confessed。 JackHerringandSomervilletheBrieflesswentthatnightwithJohnnyandhissistertothetheatre——andonothernights。MissBulstrodethoughtJackHerringverynice,andtoldherbrotherso。 ButshethoughtSomervilletheBrieflessevennicer,andlater,undercross—examination,whenSomervillewasnolongerbriefless,toldSomervillesohimself。 Butthathasnothingtodowiththisparticularstory,theendofwhichisthatMissBulstrodekepttheappointmentmadeforMondayafternoonbetween\"MissMontgomery\"andMr。Jowett,andsecuredtherebytheMarbleSoapadvertisementforthebackpageofGoodHumourforsixmonths,attwenty—fivepoundsaweek。 STORYTHESEVENTH:DickDanverspresentshisPetitionWilliamClodd,moppinghisbrow,laiddownthescrewdriver,andsteppingback,regardedtheresultofhislabourswithevidentsatisfaction。 \"Itlookslikeabookcase,\"saidWilliamClodd。\"Youmightsitintheroomforhalfanhourandneverknowitwasn’tabookcase。\" WhatWilliamCloddhadaccomplishedwasthis:hehadhadprepared,afterhisowndesign,whatappearedtobefourshelvesladenwithworkssuggestiveofthoughtanderudition。Asamatteroffact,itwasnotabookcase,butmerelyaflatboard,thebooksmerelythebacksofvolumesthathadlongsincefoundtheirwayintothepaper—mill。ThisartfuldeceptionWilliamCloddhadscreweduponacottagepianostandinginthecorneroftheeditorialofficeofGoodHumour。Halfadozenrealvolumespileduponthetopofthepianocompletedtheillusion。AsWilliamCloddhadproudlyremarked,acasualvisitormighteasilyhavebeendeceived。 \"Ifyouhadtositintheroomwhileshewaspractisingmixedscales,you’dbequicklyundeceived,\"saidtheeditorofGoodHumour,onePeterHope。Hespokebitterly。 \"Youarenotalwaysin,\"explainedClodd。\"Theremustbehourswhensheisherealone,withnothingelsetodo。Besides,youwillgetusedtoitafterawhile。\" \"You,Inotice,don’ttrytogetusedtoit,\"snarledPeterHope。 \"Youalwaysgooutthemomentshecommences。\" \"Afriendofmine,\"continuedWilliamClodd,\"workedinanofficeoverapiano—shopforsevenyears,andwhentheshopclosed,itnearlyruinedhisbusiness;couldn’tsettledowntoworkforwantofit。\" \"Whydoesn’thecomehere?\"askedPeterHope。\"Theflooraboveisvacant。\" \"Can’t,\"explainedWilliamClodd。\"He’sdead。\" \"Icanquitebelieveit,\"commentedPeterHope。 \"Itwasashopwherepeoplecameandpractised,payingsixpenceanhour,andhehadgottolikeit——saiditmadeacheerfulbackgroundtohisthoughts。Wonderfulwhatyoucangetaccustomedto。\" \"What’sthegoodofit?\"demandedPeterHope。 \"What’sthegoodofit!\"retortedWilliamCloddindignantly。 \"Everygirloughttoknowhowtoplaythepiano。Anicethingifwhenherloveraskshertoplaysomethingtohim——\" \"Iwonderyoudon’tstartamatrimonialagency,\"sneeredPeterHope。\"Loveandmarriage——youthinkofnothingelse。\" \"Whenyouarebringingupayounggirl——\"arguedClodd。 \"Butyou’renot,\"interruptedPeter;\"that’sjustwhatI’mtryingtogetoutofyourhead。ItisIwhoambringingherup。Andbetweenourselves,Iwishyouwouldn’tinterferesomuch。\" \"Youarenotfittobringupagirl。\" \"I’vebroughtherupforsevenyearswithoutyourhelp。She’smyadopteddaughter,notyours。Idowishpeoplewouldlearntomindtheirownbusiness。\" \"You’vedoneverywell——\" \"Thankyou,\"saidPeterHopesarcastically。\"It’sverykindofyou。Perhapswhenyou’vetime,you’llwritemeoutatestimonial。\" \"——uptillnow,\"concludedtheimperturbableClodd。\"Agirlofeighteenwantstoknowsomethingelsebesidesmathematicsandtheclassics。Youdon’tunderstandthem。\" \"Idounderstandthem,\"assertedPeterHope。\"Whatdoyouknowaboutthem?You’renotafather。\" \"You’vedoneyourbest,\"admittedWilliamCloddinatoneofpatronagethatirritatedPetergreatly;\"butyou’readreamer;youdon’tknowtheworld。Thetimeiscomingwhenthegirlwillhavetothinkofahusband。\" \"There’snoneedforhertothinkofahusband,notforyears,\" retortedPeterHope。\"Andevenwhenshedoes,isstrummingonthepianogoingtohelpher?\" \"Itink——Itink,\"saidDr。Smith,whohadhithertoremainedasilentlistener,\"ouryoungfrentCloddisright。Youhafneverquitegotoveryourideadatshewasgoingtobeaboy。Youhaftaughtherdetingsaboyshouldknow。\" \"Youcutherhair,\"addedClodd。 \"Idon’t,\"snappedPeter。 \"Youletherhaveitcut——it’sthesamething。AteighteensheknowsmoreabouttheancientGreeksandRomansthanshedoesaboutherownfrocks。\" \"Deyounggirl,\"arguedthedoctor,\"whatisshe?Deflowerdatmakesbrightforusdegardenoflife,degurglingbrookdatmurmursbydedustyhighway,decheerfulfire——\" \"Shecan’tbeallofthem,\"snappedPeter,whowasasticklerforstyle。\"Dokeeptoonesimileatatime。\" \"Nowyoulistentoplainsense,\"saidWilliamClodd。\"Youwant——weallwant——thegirltobeasuccessallround。\" \"Iwanther——\"PeterHopewasrummagingamongthelitteronthedesk。Itcertainlywasnotthere。Peterpulledoutadrawer—twodrawers。\"Iwish,\"saidPeterHope,\"Iwishsometimesshewasn’tquitesoclever。\" Theolddoctorrummagedamongdustyfilesofpapersinacorner。 Cloddfounditonthemantelpiececoncealedbeneaththehollowfootofabigbrasscandlestick,andhandedittoPeter。 Peterhadonevice——thetakinginincreasingquantitiesofsnuff,whichwasharmfulforhim,ashehimselfadmitted。Tommy,sympathetictomostmasculinefrailties,wassevere,however,uponthisone。 \"Youspillituponyourshirtandonyourcoat,\"hadarguedTommy。 \"Iliketoseeyoualwaysneat。Besides,itisn’tanicehabit。I dowish,dad,you’dgiveitup。\" \"Imust,\"Peterhadagreed。\"I’llbreakmyselfofit。Butnotallatonce——itwouldbeawrench;bydegrees,Tommy,bydegrees。\" Soacompromisehadbeencompounded。Tommywastohidethesnuff— box。Itwastobesomewhereintheroomandtobeaccessible,butthatwasall。Peter,whenself—controlhadreachedthebreaking— point,mighttryandfindit。Occasionally,luckhelpingPeter,hewouldfinditearlyintheday,whenhewouldearnhisownbitterself—reproachesbyindulginginquiteanorgie。ButmoreoftenTommy’sartfulnesswassuchthathewouldbecompelled,bywantoftime,toabandonthesearch。Tommyalwaysknewwhenhehadfailedbytheairofindignantresignationwithwhichhewouldgreetheronherreturn。Thenperhapstowardsevening,Peter,lookingup,wouldseetheboxopenbeforehisnose,aboveit,apairofreprovingblackeyes,theirseveritycounterbalancedbyapairoffullredlipstryingnottosmile。AndPeter,knowingthatonlyonepinchwouldbepermitted,woulddipdeeply。 \"Iwanther,\"saidPeterHope,feelingwithhissnuff—boxinhishandmoreconfidenceinhisownjudgment,\"tobeasensible,cleverwoman,capableofearningherownlivingandofbeingindependent; notamerehelplessdoll,cryingforsomemantocomeandtakecareofher。\" \"Awoman’sbusiness,\"assertedClodd,\"istobetakencareof。\" \"Somewomen,perhaps,\"admittedPeter;\"butTommy,youknowverywell,isnotgoingtobetheordinarytypeofwoman。Shehasbrains;shewillmakeherwayintheworld。\" \"Itdoesn’tdependuponbrains,\"saidClodd。\"Shehasn’tgottheelbows。\" \"Theelbows?\" \"Theyarenotsharpenough。Thelast’bushomeonawetnighttellsyouwhetherawomaniscapableofpushingherownwayintheworld。Tommy’sthesorttogetleftonthekerb。\" \"She’sthesort,\"retortedPeter,\"tomakeanameforherselfandtobeabletoaffordacab。Don’tyoubullyme!\"Petersniffedself—assertivenessfrombetweenhisthumbandfinger。 \"Yes,Ishall,\"Cloddtoldhim,\"onthisparticularpoint。Thepoorgirl’sgotnomother。\" Fortunatelyforthegeneralharmonythedooropenedatthemomenttoadmitthesubjectofdiscussion。 \"GotthatDaisyBlossomadvertisementoutofoldBlatchley,\" announcedTommy,wavingtriumphantlyapieceofpaperoverherhead。 \"No!\"exclaimedPeter。\"Howdidyoumanageit?\" \"Askedhimforit,\"wasTommy’sexplanation。 \"Veryodd,\"musedPeter;\"askedtheoldidiotforitmyselfonlylastweek。Herefuseditpoint—blank。\" Cloddsnortedreproof。\"YouknowIdon’tlikeyourdoingthatsortofthing。Itisn’tproperforayounggirl——\" \"It’sallright,\"assuredhimTommy;\"he’sbald!\" \"Thatmakesnodifference,\"wasClodd’sopinion。 \"Yesitdoes,\"wasTommy’s。\"Ilikethembald。\" TommytookPeter’sheadbetweenherhandsandkissedit,andindoingsonoticedthetell—talespecksofsnuff。 \"Justapinch,mydear,\"explainedPeter,\"themerestpinch。\" Tommytookupthesnuff—boxfromthedesk。\"I’llshowyouwhereI’mgoingtoputitthistime。\"Sheputitinherpocket。Peter’sfacefell。 \"Whatdoyouthinkofit?\"saidClodd。Heledhertothecorner。 \"Goodidea,ain’tit?\" \"Why,where’sthepiano?\"demandedTommy。 Cloddturnedindelightedtriumphtotheothers。 \"Humbug!\"growledPeter。 \"Itisn’thumbug,\"criedCloddindignantly。\"Shethoughtitwasabookcase——anybodywould。You’llbeabletositthereandpractisebythehour,\"explainedCloddtoTommy。\"Whenyouhearanybodycomingupthestairs,youcanleaveoff。\" \"Howcanshehearanythingwhenshe——\"AbrightideaoccurredtoPeter。\"Don’tyouthink,Clodd,asapracticalman,\"suggestedPeterinsinuatingly,adoptingtheSocraticmethod,\"thatifwegotheroneofthosedummypianos——youknowwhatImean;it’sjustlikeanordinarypiano,onlyyoudon’thearit?\" Cloddshookhishead。\"Nogoodatall。Can’ttelltheeffectsheisproducing。\" \"Quiteso。Then,ontheotherhand,Clodd,don’tyouthinkthathearingtheeffecttheyareproducingmaysometimesdiscouragethebeginner?\" Clodd’sopinionwasthatsuchdiscouragementwasathingtobebattledwith。 Tommy,whohadseatedherself,commencedascaleincontrarymotion。 \"Well,I’mgoingacrosstotheprinter’snow,\"explainedClodd,takinguphishat。\"GotanappointmentwithyoungGrindleyatthree。Yousticktoit。Asparehalf—hournowandthenthatyounevermissdoeswonders。You’vegotitinyou。\"WiththeseencouragingremarkstoTommy,Clodddisappeared。